Damn you, anyhow, Mikhael, for even asking me this question.

What do I think love is? As I've said, I don't think it has anything to do with sex. Despite what you claim to be everyone else's thinking, I don't believe having children has anything to do with love either—certainly my mother and father did not "love" each other. All a child proves is that both parents are fertile.

I think at least part of my definition is that love is a sort of selflessness—a willingness to set aside one's own concerns in favor of the other person's needs. A willingness to meet at least halfway—to do whatever is necessary to ensure one's partner's happiness. And, of course, one must find a way of meeting one's own needs.

I just don't believe anyone can be that unselfish. Callous and Morshasha actually make a fairly good example of my point—given her knowledge of his culture, she is being somewhat selfish in her rejection of the whole multiple wives issue, but he's really no better with his demand that she must therefore have many children.

(And by the way, I still maintain that love between parents—especially mothers—and children is a different matter entirely. Given what women have to go through to give birth, it's a wonder there aren't fewer infants than there are—Morshasha may be an exception to this, but I know my mother swore that under no circumstances was she going through that again. As near as I can figure, parental love must be a genetic trait to ensure the continuance of the race.)

Love isn't something that can (or should) be entred into lightly, and yet I have met people who claim to fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat. Though the one individual I have specifically in mind (noone you know) claims every time that it is full-blown romantic love, it seems to me that she, and all the others like her, usually use this as an excuse for hyperactive sexuality.

And that's another reason I can't bring myself to accept what others call "love"—sex is the most selfish act I can think of. It is, (in my experience), uncomfortable, unpleasant, messy, distasteful, a convenient tool to prove one has power over another, and inevitably only truly satisfactory for one person.

There is a high degree of trust that is also a requirement for love, and it absolutely must be reciprocal. One must be able to believe that one's partner won't abandon or hurt one in any other way—a claim of love and then such a betrayal would potentially cause irrevocable damage. And much as I don't believe anyone can be selfless enough to truly love, I also don't believe it is possible to find another person you can trust enough to be willing to risk so much.

I hope this answers your question sufficiently, because I have one for you.

What is really going on with you? Where have you so misstepped in "the Game" that you are quoting Sin to me?

I would like an honest answer, Mikhael—I ask you this as a friend, as someone who is concerned about your well-being, hard as you may find that to believe. I do not wish to see you hurt, nor (Horus forbid) dead, even (or perhaps especially) by your own hand. And if you are determined to take this course of action I still wish to know what is happening—I am involved, Mik, however indirectly, by being your friend—if this drives you to death I will become directly involved (and you cannot make me promise otherwise), and I would like to know if now is the time for your proferred crash course in playing "the Game."

If you have been staring at the problem for over a year, then perhaps you are too close to it for a clear view. And sometimes all it takes is a fresh perspective on the board to turn around the game you thought you had lost.

I won't beg you to let me help—we both know it would not do me any good—but I do wish to remind you that I meant what I said—I am not afraid to put myself in jeopardy to support someone I believe in.

I am asking that you give me some honest answer—whatever you do, please don't lie to me and tell me nothing is wrong. I know better than that, Mik. We both do.

Whatever your decision, you have my absolute word on two things. I will not leave this plane until a solution is reached and I have some answers (and preferably some satisfaction, but I will not flee even if it means my death). And no matter what you tell me, nothing will go any further than us.

This one time I do not feel it is prudent to let the matter drop.

Nicholas