September 14, 3043

I knew things were too good to last. I've been set to work spellcasting, and have tagged along on Danny's elf-hunting and Callous' Surma-watching investigations. I have to admit, it's fun doing nothing but tagging elves and sneaking up on priests; if only I could get a job as a spy or something, instead of point mage on a special ops team. That'd be great÷move to Arthinon, live the high life (off Glenzor's payroll), infiltrate elven high society, and then sell them all out and watch the pogrom from my balcony while sipping champagne ... which reminds me, almost out. Have to have Danny requisition another case. He says it's bad for morale, letting me eat lobster and sip champagne while the grunts are eating gruel, but I like to think of it as visual motivation; they'll try harder in the war effort so that they, too, can get promoted and enjoy an officer's life! Rank hath its privileges. Besides, I don't see Danny offering to give up his officer's cook in favor of eating at the canteen. Actually, it's quite refreshing÷after all those years of taking Danny out to the Bell, it's nice to sit down at his table for a change!

He seems to be relaxing a little, too÷enough to start nagging, which I've discovered over the years means that he's got time on his hands. Whenever he starts pestering me about smoking too much and needing to take my vitamins and "come on, Mik, let's spar" or "come on, Mik, it's time to run a few laps around camp," then it's time to find something to distract him with. Maybe I can hire the Travellers to raise some ruckus and turn his attention to other matters.

Otherwise, I don't think that my weak heart will be able to take all this healthy exercise!

September 16, 3043

All this exercise isn't the only thing in camp that's bad for my heart ...Where in hell are the rest of the Company? I think it's time for another adventure, before I get too comfortable.

September 18, 3043

Sin came back÷much to my surprise, he's ready to serve out his punishment! I wonder what brought about that change of heart? He and Danny talked awhile about the implement of harm to be used, and I have to admit, I was a little apalled at some of the accepted orcish punishments! Beating by hatchet? Footman's mace? Sin took the rational step and chose simple whip. Danny will administer the punishment.

You know, in all these years÷what, eight, nine?÷that I've known Danny, I still can't quite figure him out. It's not only that he loves to shroud himself in mystery, it's something more fundamental than that, some way his mind works that I can't quite fathom.

The first time I met him, it was just by chance÷rushed into the Group guild looking for someone to color-cantrip my recently de-Shaded cloak because we were riding out in a half-hour, and he was the one who was there. I told him I owed him one, and he replied that I could take him out to dinner when I got back. Gave me a bit of a turn, because÷well, because I was still young and stupid and brainwashed by all my Father's stupid biases.

Of course, when we got back, the giants had been there before us, and Danny was laid up in the Healer's Guild÷damn near got himself killed attacking the giants when he saw them breaking into the rented warehouse I was using as a lab at the time. Now, that really grounded me÷because he hardly knew me, and he'd gotten himself pretty badly beaten÷I mean, bones were broken÷trying to give me a hand. In retrospect, I suppose that was the beginning of my fall to grace, because I felt guilty about my initial reaction to him÷guilt. I hate that feeling! So then I did one of the most foolish and regrettable things I've ever done in my life by telling him (not so clearly, I'm sure) that while there was no chance of romance between us, I'd be honored to be his friend....

Anyway, over the years I've known him, I've come to respect and admire him for countless reasons÷mostly his steadfast subscription to the highest ideals. I tried to break him down for a few years, see if he was as incorruptible as he seemed, but he never budged, just laughed at me and lectured me about the wages of sin. Finally, I stopped trying. I like him incorruptible. Loyal, honest, clean-living, kind÷it's reassuring to know that there are people like that in the world. At least, it is to me. Oh, I know he's not perfect, but I think he's about as close as a person who lives in the real world dealing with real-world issues can come. And I admire that, because I'm far from perfect÷damn far.

So I have trouble reconciling all that with these occasional twists of lawfulness he exhibits. I mean, I've gotten pissed off at him more than once, obviously, although I can never stay angry longer than a few days. His reticence, for example÷why doesn't he trust me enough to explain himself to me? That regularly irritates me. I can ony assume that he has good reasons. Or now, this punishment thing. He supervised the occasional execution in Glenzor, but I figured that was just part of his job÷when you're a member of the city guard, sometimes you get your hands dirty. But I would have thought that he'd delegate this flogging to somebody else.

September 19, 3043, morning

There are some images that get etched indelibly in your memory. I think last night's was one. And that was only the first 60. He has another 60 to go, and then if the council approves my recommendations, another 140.

I'll give Sin this much÷he took it better than I ever would have. I had to wave away the wine and ask for a stiff scotch after the first 30 lashes, and it was just sheer agony, watching the rest. Three, four more days of this? I don't if I can sit through it.... But I have to, I guess. I ordered it, I watch it. I owe Sin that much, even if he did ask for it.

Still....

I'm not going to quickly forget Sin stripped to a loincloth and bound to the orc's oak punishment frame, spreadeagled, lit by the torches and continual lights dotting the campsite. Or Danny, shirtless, sweat rolling down his face and chest as he swung his arm back for another blow. Sin took the first few sets with his usual cocky arrogance, but finally even he broke down, screaming and weeping and pleading for mercy. And Danny's face wasn't a nice thing to see÷expression set, emotionless; I don't think he enjoys this part of his job. I don't know why he does it to himself.

September 19, evening

Forty more, and then Sin broke. He was unconscious when they pulled him off the frame at 60.

I think Danny does it because he hates it. He doesn't like hurting people, so when he has to÷when his job demands it÷he does it himself instead of taking the easy way out by having someone else do his dirty work. In a way, he really is punishing himself at the same time he punishes Sin.

I don't like watching him play the torturer's role. He should let me do it, or one of his inferiors, more likely. Sin deserves this; he even came back to take it (I'm haunted by the question "why?"). Danny doesn't need to involve himself in this sordid little matter.

Sin has two days to recover.

September 21, 3043

The military approved 120 of my recommended 140 lashes. Since these are the ones I ordered, I took the whip from Danny and gave it to Nicholas÷who has just returned÷to apply. Danny looked like he wanted to argue, but he didn't. Maybe he was relieved not to have to do it again himself.

Nicholas is viciously talented. The enlisted orcs booed and hissed at me when I took the whip÷they don't care for me, probably because Sin has been spending much time with them while he's recovered between punishments÷but no matter; let them hate, so long as they fear. But they fell silent quickly enough when Nicholas went to work. Sin's face quickly shifted from arrogance to surprise to pain; Nicholas has a firmer hand than Danny, I suspect.

60 more tomorrow.

September 22, 3043

I told Sin I would waive the last 60 if he would say "I'm sorry." He refused. Nicholas finished the punishment.

I give Sin a lot of credit for having come back for his punishment, and for having taken it as well as he did. But I just can't figure it out. If he's brave enough to take 240 lashes, why isn't he brave enough to stop hiding in the corner and come out to fight the enemy? If he's disciplined enough to accept his sentence, why isn't he disciplined enough to follow orders in combat?

September 23, 3043

Sin returned to Glenzor÷at Danny's behest, we "started out with a clean slate"÷I offered my hand, and we shook on it. That was one I owed Danny, since a few days ago I convinced Nicholas to shake Danny's hand and start over....